Disciple Your Children
How do you make discipleship a natural way of life? Whether it’s the younger years, the middle years, or the launching years, discipleship can easily be woven into the natural rhythms of family life. It can start with simple questions about the beauty around you in creation or reading Bible stories at bedtime. You can discuss right choices or natural consequences of bad choices. You can talk about school and life through a biblical lens. You can do a book study with your teens, host a backyard Bible club this summer for your elementary-age neighborhood kids, or read Bible stories to your little ones. It does not have to be hard or complicated, but it does have to be intentional. Talk with your children when you wake, when you walk, and when you wind down to sleep (see Deuteronomy 6). So that pretty much means disciple your kids all throughout your days. Do not leave it up to the church. They are there to partner with parents not replace biblical teaching in the home. In order to disciple your children, you want to open the doors of communication so it is regular and natural and you will want to lead…
Teach Kids to Advocate for Themselves
What are some reasons you should teach your child to advocate for themselves? No matter your parenting style, teach your kids to advocate for themselves. It will nurture their independence and give them ownership of their problems. In the younger years, you can give children language for asking. Teach them to politely ask for something they need or want and encourage them to tell why they need it. In the middle years, role play difficult situations and how to self advocate. This gives kids empowering strategies and the language to express themselves. With my tutoring clients, we often talk through how and when to ask a teacher for help or a parent for project supplies. This is a good age to allow real world experiences like ordering in a restaurant or paying for something at the store. Provide support for critical thinking and problem solving. Successful self advocacy boosts self esteem, especially during the launching years. I remember my daughters disliked having to go into restaurants for a take out menu or call the doctor’s office to schedule an appointment, but they felt pretty proud of themselves once they had done it. It would have been easy for me to…
Setting up School Year Expectations
How does setting a homework schedule build life skills that impact the workplace? Just as a classroom teacher sets expectations, parents can also use the start of a new school year to set expectations for homework and chores. As children grow, so should their responsibilities as these life skills may impact their future workplace performance. During the younger years, they can be expected to put their backpack in the designated location and put any “parent homework” in a certain spot everyday. Homeschoolers can be expected to return their daily supplies to a designated location. As they get to the middle years, these school year expectations can grow. To avoid the morning rush or get a few more minutes of sleep, bookbags can be packed the night before, lunches can be made, and clothes laid out. All of this can be done by the children, with some initial supervision by the parents or caretakers. By the launching years, these school year expectations should be firm and there should be little need for reminders or follow ups. The start of a new school year is a great opportunity to revisit the expectations. “Each night after you clean up the dinner dishes, I’d…
The Middle Years: The Consequences
What consequences are appropriate for the middle years? When it comes to consequences for kids, I know that some of the typical ones felt like punishment for me as a parent! The emotional roller coaster of the middle years was also accompanied by the hard task of establishing appropriate consequences. Restricting all television meant you had to give up the half hour of dinner prep calm. Taking my kids driver’s license away for a while meant I had to rearrange my schedule to drive her places. I tried to find creative solutions that either directly tied in with the problem or took away something the child valued. There might need to be different consequences for each child. If you are looking for a list of consequences, this blog post won’t give you one. Each child is a unique individual and it takes time and conversation to figure out what works for your child. This is the hard and necessary work of parenting. Digging to the heart of the issue will also help you get creative about the consequences because you will begin to understand what behaviors need to change. If you look back at the blog post about the put…
The Middle Years: Calming the Chaos
Have you ever wanted to get off the middle school roller coaster of life, either as a parent or a child? Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart! The middle years are a roller coaster of emotions for both the kids and the parents. Recently a friend asked for parenting advice for these volatile days with her tween. I’ll share advice in a 3 part series, but you can get started today with these nine tips for calming the chaos in the middle years. If you are new here, I describe the stages of childhood as the younger years, the middle years, and the launching years. I also try to keep each blog post as a short read and vary my topics often. This month will be focused on the middle years. Tips for calming the chaos in the middle years: Teach your kids the “why” behind the rules. How does this rule protect them? Allow your kids to discuss/ask for exceptions but teach them to respect your final authority. Point them to one or two acceptable people they can talk to if they feel they cannot talk to you (close family friend, youth leader, mentor, relative, etc.). You’d rather…
Put On Put Off Chart
What area of disobedience do you find yourself nagging a child about? It’s common to tell children to “stop doing that” but less common to take the time to tell them what to do instead or to probe into the heart issue behind the problem. Even with our own faults, it’s common to focus on the fault not on the flip side of what we could do to change it. When my kids were little, I happened upon an obedience chart that gave suggestions for replacing bad actions with good ones. It gave Biblical principles and verses of what to “put off” and what to “put on” in an easy to read chart. I used this idea over a few years, making similar lists according to the top few problem areas for my kids. This chart is still available on the internet as Wise Words for Moms. It also gave heart probing questions to ask, which are useful in the moment of discipline or as table talk conversations in general. Many types of “if-then” consequence lists are available, but this one is great for the younger years and will help you with Biblical parenting that sets a foundation for middle…
Waiting Games
What game can you easily play while waiting in line? Waiting games are invaluable resources for every parent and teacher! Waiting is part of everyday life. We wait in lines at amusement parks, at vaccine clinics, and in traffic jams. We wait for events like ball games, symphonies, and movies to start. My list was curated when I was a 4th grade teacher and we went every year to the North Carolina Symphony. Our students had to dress up, ride the bus, and sit quietly waiting on the performance to start. Kids get restless! And unless you give them resources, restlessness can easily turn into ruckus! I created a list of ideas my students could quietly use with their seatmate. Soon other teachers wanted to know my secret! Why were my students pleasantly occupied without me having to fuss at them? High expectations and tools they could use. This also became helpful when I took high school students on service trips around the world. They could entertain themselves in airports and vans. They could also entertain younger children waiting for Vacation Bible School to begin or parents to pick them up at the end. Most of the games require little…
Parenting Books
Ever wish you had a quick list of helpful books for raising a child? Here’s 15! This list is not comprehensive nor will you agree 100% with every chapter in each book, however it’s like a recipe. You take the basic ideas and tailor it to your family’s needs or what’s in the pantry that day. I find it much easier to modify a recipe than to make one up, wouldn’t you agree? No book list should ever replace solid Biblical truth. The best of parents are those who understand that solid parenting skills come from the unchanging truth of God. They also reach out to like minded others who are just a few steps ahead of them. A friend recently asked me for some parenting resources, and I literally went to my bookshelf and pulled off a few favorites. These are books I have read or used over the years. I ask that you use discernment in whether or not they are the best resource for you. Whether you are a parent, a grandparent, a teacher, or favorite friend, I hope this list will be helpful. It’s divided into 3 sections, and I’ve included Amazon links. The Younger…
