The Middle Years: Calming the Chaos
Have you ever wanted to get off the middle school roller coaster of life, either as a parent or a child? Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart! The middle years are a roller coaster of emotions for both the kids and the parents. Recently a friend asked for parenting advice for these volatile days with her tween. I’ll share advice in a 3 part series, but you can get started today with these nine tips for calming the chaos in the middle years. If you are new here, I describe the stages of childhood as the younger years, the middle years, and the launching years. I also try to keep each blog post as a short read and vary my topics often. This month will be focused on the middle years. Tips for calming the chaos in the middle years: Teach your kids the “why” behind the rules. How does this rule protect them? Allow your kids to discuss/ask for exceptions but teach them to respect your final authority. Point them to one or two acceptable people they can talk to if they feel they cannot talk to you (close family friend, youth leader, mentor, relative, etc.). You’d rather…
Trust and Obey
Who is it harder to obey – teachers or bosses? It is a lot harder to obey someone you do not trust. As a teacher, it’s important to establish a culture of trust in your classroom as soon as the year starts. I explained my classroom rules and set high expectations that my students would follow them. I had clear consequences for not following the rules or for disrespect of others. What I didn’t expect was perfection. We all make mistakes and need safe places to learn and grow. My students could trust that I had their best interests in mind, and that I would listen to their thoughts and opinions. I often told my students that as long as they obeyed the rules of my classroom, I’d have their backs. As long as they spoke respectfully to whomever was correcting them, I’d listen to their side of the story if there was an issue. We all know that rules vary from classroom to classroom or house to house so sometimes a little conflict resolution was necessary. When disobedience is a constant issue, I often find it’s because the students do not respect or trust those in authority because those…
Save your NOs
Have you ever wished your child would obey right away when you say “no” or “come”? Most parents and teachers of young children struggle with this on a daily basis! One piece of wisdom I learned early on when my children were young was to save your NOs. It is as simple as using “please don’t” and “no” for different things. Use “please don’t” when you want your child to stop poking her sister or yelling at the cat. Save your “no” for when you want your child to stop from running in the street or touching a hot stove. NO can be reserved for imminent danger or direct defiance. Sure, you will probably use them interchangeably some of the time, but if you will save your NOs for when it’s really important that your child obey immediately, you can teach your child to obey right away when you say “NO!” Delayed obedience is disobedience no matter how you phrase your request, but that’s for another blog post. When you do have to say NO, make it a teachable moment. Take time shortly afterward to talk to your child about what the danger or defiance was. Just as you want…
Parenting Books
Ever wish you had a quick list of helpful books for raising a child? Here’s 15! This list is not comprehensive nor will you agree 100% with every chapter in each book, however it’s like a recipe. You take the basic ideas and tailor it to your family’s needs or what’s in the pantry that day. I find it much easier to modify a recipe than to make one up, wouldn’t you agree? No book list should ever replace solid Biblical truth. The best of parents are those who understand that solid parenting skills come from the unchanging truth of God. They also reach out to like minded others who are just a few steps ahead of them. A friend recently asked me for some parenting resources, and I literally went to my bookshelf and pulled off a few favorites. These are books I have read or used over the years. I ask that you use discernment in whether or not they are the best resource for you. Whether you are a parent, a grandparent, a teacher, or favorite friend, I hope this list will be helpful. It’s divided into 3 sections, and I’ve included Amazon links. The Younger…
