The Middle Years: The Consequences
What consequences are appropriate for the middle years? When it comes to consequences for kids, I know that some of the typical ones felt like punishment for me as a parent! The emotional roller coaster of the middle years was also accompanied by the hard task of establishing appropriate consequences. Restricting all television meant you had to give up the half hour of dinner prep calm. Taking my kids driver’s license away for a while meant I had to rearrange my schedule to drive her places. I tried to find creative solutions that either directly tied in with the problem or took away something the child valued. There might need to be different consequences for each child. If you are looking for a list of consequences, this blog post won’t give you one. Each child is a unique individual and it takes time and conversation to figure out what works for your child. This is the hard and necessary work of parenting. Digging to the heart of the issue will also help you get creative about the consequences because you will begin to understand what behaviors need to change. If you look back at the blog post about the put…
The Middle Years: Calming the Chaos
Have you ever wanted to get off the middle school roller coaster of life, either as a parent or a child? Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart! The middle years are a roller coaster of emotions for both the kids and the parents. Recently a friend asked for parenting advice for these volatile days with her tween. I’ll share advice in a 3 part series, but you can get started today with these nine tips for calming the chaos in the middle years. If you are new here, I describe the stages of childhood as the younger years, the middle years, and the launching years. I also try to keep each blog post as a short read and vary my topics often. This month will be focused on the middle years. Tips for calming the chaos in the middle years: Teach your kids the “why” behind the rules. How does this rule protect them? Allow your kids to discuss/ask for exceptions but teach them to respect your final authority. Point them to one or two acceptable people they can talk to if they feel they cannot talk to you (close family friend, youth leader, mentor, relative, etc.). You’d rather…
Put On Put Off Chart
What area of disobedience do you find yourself nagging a child about? It’s common to tell children to “stop doing that” but less common to take the time to tell them what to do instead or to probe into the heart issue behind the problem. Even with our own faults, it’s common to focus on the fault not on the flip side of what we could do to change it. When my kids were little, I happened upon an obedience chart that gave suggestions for replacing bad actions with good ones. It gave Biblical principles and verses of what to “put off” and what to “put on” in an easy to read chart. I used this idea over a few years, making similar lists according to the top few problem areas for my kids. This chart is still available on the internet as Wise Words for Moms. It also gave heart probing questions to ask, which are useful in the moment of discipline or as table talk conversations in general. Many types of “if-then” consequence lists are available, but this one is great for the younger years and will help you with Biblical parenting that sets a foundation for middle…
Waiting Games
What game can you easily play while waiting in line? Waiting games are invaluable resources for every parent and teacher! Waiting is part of everyday life. We wait in lines at amusement parks, at vaccine clinics, and in traffic jams. We wait for events like ball games, symphonies, and movies to start. My list was curated when I was a 4th grade teacher and we went every year to the North Carolina Symphony. Our students had to dress up, ride the bus, and sit quietly waiting on the performance to start. Kids get restless! And unless you give them resources, restlessness can easily turn into ruckus! I created a list of ideas my students could quietly use with their seatmate. Soon other teachers wanted to know my secret! Why were my students pleasantly occupied without me having to fuss at them? High expectations and tools they could use. This also became helpful when I took high school students on service trips around the world. They could entertain themselves in airports and vans. They could also entertain younger children waiting for Vacation Bible School to begin or parents to pick them up at the end. Most of the games require little…
Parenting Books
Ever wish you had a quick list of helpful books for raising a child? Here’s 15! This list is not comprehensive nor will you agree 100% with every chapter in each book, however it’s like a recipe. You take the basic ideas and tailor it to your family’s needs or what’s in the pantry that day. I find it much easier to modify a recipe than to make one up, wouldn’t you agree? No book list should ever replace solid Biblical truth. The best of parents are those who understand that solid parenting skills come from the unchanging truth of God. They also reach out to like minded others who are just a few steps ahead of them. A friend recently asked me for some parenting resources, and I literally went to my bookshelf and pulled off a few favorites. These are books I have read or used over the years. I ask that you use discernment in whether or not they are the best resource for you. Whether you are a parent, a grandparent, a teacher, or favorite friend, I hope this list will be helpful. It’s divided into 3 sections, and I’ve included Amazon links. The Younger…
