Learn to say YES
Do people automatically expect you to say NO faster than you say YES? Learning to say “YES” easily was a piece of wisdom I came across as a young wife and parent. The wisdom behind this was that when you did need to say “NO”, it would be taken well knowing that it was not your usual answer just to avoid extra work or expenses. If possible, say YES to your kids asking to have a friend over, your students occasionally asking for more time on an assignment, your coworker asking you to lunch, or to your spouse asking to play soccer one night a week. Then when there’s a good reason to say NO it will be less of a shock or disappointment because you are known for saying YES to reasonable requests. Because our usual reason for saying NO to things with our children was typically due to scheduling conflicts, our children learned to check the family calendar before asking. This led to less conflicts and whining in the middle school years because it was not us saying NO because we were annoyed but because it was a schedule conflict. It also helped our children learn to negotiate…
Save your NOs
Have you ever wished your child would obey right away when you say “no” or “come”? Most parents and teachers of young children struggle with this on a daily basis! One piece of wisdom I learned early on when my children were young was to save your NOs. It is as simple as using “please don’t” and “no” for different things. Use “please don’t” when you want your child to stop poking her sister or yelling at the cat. Save your “no” for when you want your child to stop from running in the street or touching a hot stove. NO can be reserved for imminent danger or direct defiance. Sure, you will probably use them interchangeably some of the time, but if you will save your NOs for when it’s really important that your child obey immediately, you can teach your child to obey right away when you say “NO!” Delayed obedience is disobedience no matter how you phrase your request, but that’s for another blog post. When you do have to say NO, make it a teachable moment. Take time shortly afterward to talk to your child about what the danger or defiance was. Just as you want…
Parenting Books
Ever wish you had a quick list of helpful books for raising a child? Here’s 15! This list is not comprehensive nor will you agree 100% with every chapter in each book, however it’s like a recipe. You take the basic ideas and tailor it to your family’s needs or what’s in the pantry that day. I find it much easier to modify a recipe than to make one up, wouldn’t you agree? No book list should ever replace solid Biblical truth. The best of parents are those who understand that solid parenting skills come from the unchanging truth of God. They also reach out to like minded others who are just a few steps ahead of them. A friend recently asked me for some parenting resources, and I literally went to my bookshelf and pulled off a few favorites. These are books I have read or used over the years. I ask that you use discernment in whether or not they are the best resource for you. Whether you are a parent, a grandparent, a teacher, or favorite friend, I hope this list will be helpful. It’s divided into 3 sections, and I’ve included Amazon links. The Younger…
In Order
Do you ever wonder why students jump around project to project without finishing? Teaching students or your children to prioritize and complete projects in order is a doable goal. One easy way is to write a list of things to complete and teach them to complete it in order written. In the elementary classroom during a block of work time, I write down a list of things on the board that need to be done. I teach my students that my lists are always meant to be completed starting at the top. When you complete the first item, you move on to the second item, etc. Sometimes I draw a line dividing the top part of the list from the bottom part. This is usually a visual reminder that the things above the line must be completed and the things below the line are things to do if you get time or if you actually complete all the above. I’m not fond of long lists of things to do, but occasionally this is necessary on a “catch up” day where students are in various stages of completion on projects or your family is cleaning up the house after the holidays.…
Homework Help
Have you set yourself up for endless hours of sitting with your children and nagging them to get their homework done or having to work through every single problem with them? Here are a few easy steps and tips to get out of that habit. Set up a regular homework time and place. Set expectations for that time, such as working for 15 minutes then taking a short break or completing all of an assignment before a break. Depending on the age of your child, be nearby but not next to them. Or be next to them, but working on your own work. It helps develop their independence. Some children will need more gradual backing off of parental and teacher support, but the earlier you can do this the more independent they will become. I often suggest to parents to let a child get started on their work and ask for help when they need it rather than a parent unpacking the backpack and reading the directions to the child. When a child asks for help, have them explain or read aloud the directions to you then tell you the part they need help with. Often they will answer their…
Be Honest
Do you know that feeling of relief you get when you just tell someone the truth? “Be honest” is one of the few rules I have for my tutoring clients. I’d rather a child tell me they didn’t turn in their homework than to lie to me about the teacher losing it. Being honest allows us to get to the heart of the matter, such as lack of motivation or feeling overwhelmed at the amount of overdue work. Honesty is a character trait that we should strive for, but we also need to strive to create relationships that cultivate honest conversations. Being honest is hard work but being known as a person of integrity adds much to your character. We tend to want to hide the truth when things are not going as planned or when we think we will disappoint people. Being honest in a relationship builds trust. Our homes, offices, and classrooms can be spaces where it’s safe to tell the truth. Spaces where we reach out to one another. Where telling the truth is honored and help and hope is offered. Spaces where condemnation and criticism drip from the lips of those in attendance do not value…
Table Talk
Are you more like a pencil or a school bus? I love to ask people this question! I have asked it around the dinner table, to help a student prepare for an interview, on an airplane, in line at an amusement park, at gatherings, walking down the beach, and many more places to people both young and old. Mostly I just love to get people thinking and talking. I always ask them to give one reason to support their answer. I have heard plenty of interesting answers, the best being from my daughter who said she was sharp like a pencil but you never knew when she might snap! If you think this is just a silly idea, let me explain. A question like this causes one to think about a pencil then to think about a school bus. Probably floods of memories come when they think about their own experience with buses or lack of experiences. Then they have to think about themself and what they want to review or hide about themself when they give an answer. Next they have to evaluate both options and analyze the object and themself. Lastly they have to make a judgement… are…
Tailor Joy Together
Ever wondered what the benefits are of having a personal tailor? Tailors make adjustments on the spot and look for inconsistencies. They understand that selecting the right fabric to suit the environment and occasion gives you a big advantage. Tailors creatively highlight their clients personal style. They save you time and money overall. You feel more confident in clothes that fit and flatter. Did you know the Bible talks about God gifting some people to be tailors? Take a look at Exodus 28:3. Tailoring joy works much the same way. The benefits of tailored joy are smiling more and sighing less. People who tailor their attitudes and actions to cultivate joy in everyday life are reaping the benefits personally and professionally. Navigating the ups and downs is challenging. Choosing to count your blessings no matter what the day brings is one way to tailor joy today. Having joy can significantly impact your emotions, overall confidence, and even the direction of your day. Joy is a gift from God. Joy is our strength! It helps you smile more and sigh less. Sometimes it’s just a little tip or reminder that can significantly impact your day. Such as having your child write…