The Middle Years: The Promises
What’s the Meaning of a Promise Ring? There’s a certain anticipation of coming of age no matter how your family or culture celebrates it. I wanted to do something special for my girls but not a purity ring or a big party. I wanted to let my girls know that I promised to love them, encourage them, and be in their business until they got married or moved out of my house. With a little research and an amazing jeweler in Ireland, I got each of my girls a Claddagh ring that matched the one I wore. It’s said to mean “let love and friendship reign.” That’s what I wanted for their growing up years – love and friendship between parents and kids. We took them individually out to a fancy dinner around the age of 14 and presented the ring and a letter with our promises to be by their side. Memories were made. Their dad treated them like they could expect to be treated on a date, with respect and attention. Both girls have had the opportunity to tell that story when people have asked if their ring is a purity ring or a promise ring. I’m including…
End of School Traditions
What is your end of school tradition? Those who knew my children growing up could easily answer that question. It’s ice cream! Our family has ice cream for dinner on the first and last days of school every year. It was fitting that our oldest served ice cream sundaes at her graduation party. Two intentional ideas were wrapped up in this end of school tradition. We were building family memories, and we were having intentional table talks. “How was school today?” will get you the typical “fine” answer, but put ice cream in a kid’s hand and ask “what was your favorite project this school year” and you’ll likely get an answer that’s more than a word long. And you’ll likely get questions from other parents about why you are giving your kids ice cream for dinner. Since we were not a family who ate dessert after dinner on a regular basis, this is the stuff memories are made of. And who wants to feel overstuffed after a meal. Not me. So when the kids were younger, ice cream was the meal. As they grew older, the ice cream tradition remained strong but sometimes it followed dinner or was eaten…
Multigenerational Living
What family member might need to come live with you? In the US, multigenerational living is on the rise. In some countries, it is much more common. Multigenerational living is influenced by personal, cultural, social, and economic conditions. Every place I’ve lived in has had a guest room, but with our last home purchase we intentionally looked for a first floor bedroom and bath assuming at least one of our parents would eventually come live with us. It is a blessing, not a burden. It’s a way to honor our parents. Sure there are sacrifices that get made and independence that looks different, but that’s the norm with every stage of life when there are people in your care. The blessings include my kids getting more time with grandma, and my mom getting to watch them go from teens to adults. Furthermore, having my mom live with us means being able to take care of things for her in the moment, not on a weekly “to do” list. It means less travel time and worrying about her when we aren’t there. It also means not having to do yard work and repairs for two houses! Once we all decided the…
Belonging
Remember that time you were in a meeting or classroom and you just didn’t feel like you belonged? The energy and motivation for learning can come from a sense of belonging. When students feel connected in a classroom community, we can activate their cognitive learning. When they feel they don’t belong, students spend more brain power being on edge than on higher order thinking. When they feel it’s a safe environment to share their emotions, their struggles, their celebrations, they will begin to build each other up and encourage the success of their classmates. When we treat students with kindness and high expectations, they will respond well and learn together. The more we value them, the more they will respond in kind. Some students need much more support than others, but it does not mean we need to lower our expectations. The same goes for the home and boardroom. Valuing a foster child, a distant relative, or a college intern goes a long way to helping create a sense of belonging. My motto “Love God Love People” reflects my understanding of our deepest need to find true belonging. In Christ, we find our true belonging. We are fully known and…