What makes a marriage thrive?
One of the best things you can do to help your marriage thrive is to have good communication. A marriage check up can be a good catalyst for communication. Medical or business check ups are preventative and diagnostic tools to check the health of a person or company. Marriage check ups work the same way.
Here are 6 tips and 6 questions to help you communicate how things are going in your relationship. After reading this, consider setting aside time to discuss your relationship with your spouse. You can modify these questions to work for relationships with roommates, too. Questions 3 and 4 questions are great questions for any relationship.
6 Tips for a Marriage Check Up:
- Set up a regular time (start weekly) and time limit (30-60 min to start)
- Start with the good stuff (question 1)
- Take turns answering questions and listening
- If time is short or answers are long: start with question 1, choose any middle question, and end with question 6
- Choose an action item to work on (usually something that has come up during your talk) that will strengthen or improve your marriage and communication
- Finish well
6 Marriage Check Up Questions:
- What’s something that’s really working in our relationship?
- How are we spending time together to nurture our relationship and have fun together? (Or are we more eager to spend more time with someone at work, church, or the gym than with each other?)
- What practical areas of money, family needs, sex, home, rest, or ministry do we need to address? (Can choose to focus on just one of these at a time)
- Is there anything that we have been avoiding or that feels unresolved?
- Is there anything we can do to better support each other?
- What’s something that we want to focus on to help our relationship thrive?
Whether you schedule time weekly, monthly, or annually, invest in your marriage and pursue open communication. The more you do marriage check ups, the easier the routine becomes, and the better your communication skills will be. Having a marriage that thrives is hard work but so worth it!
In marriage mentoring sessions, my husband and I use these 6 questions as homework to get couples started on the concept of marriage check ups. There is not any magic to the actual questions, so feel free to modify them or write your own. A good marriage check up will be a diagnostic tool to assess the health of the marriage and a preventative tool to work through small issues before they become problems.
A marriage check up is one of the best ways to help a marriage thrive. Schedule yours today!
Want another idea? Consider using 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 as a check up, especially if you used it at your wedding. Love is patient (Have I been patient with you? How have I helped you with your weaknesses?). Love is kind (Have we been critical or tenderhearted towards one another?). Love keeps no record of wrongs (Have we been keeping a score of wrongs or bringing them back up?). You get the idea.
Need help working on relationships? This book is a good place to start.
Table Talk: Which question seems the hardest to answer? What question would you like to add to the list?